“Where the fuck have you been?”, “answer your phone, loser” and “call me back, cunto” are only three of the recurring questions come statements that I’ve had the pleasure of handling lately, all delivered with the vitriol and belligerence normally only reserved for the morally corrupt in our society be they rapists or American Republican’s.
Admittedly I have been somewhat elusive over these past few weeks; however my friends and colleagues alike seem to cast illusions of me merely shirking their attempts at communication where in fact I have been undercover diving deep into the murky depths of our glorious underworld, risking sanity and major organ malfunction all in the name of research.
It all started shortly after my last correspondence, 2 very good friends had announced they would be joining me for some frolications as the closing parties were about to begin in earnest, in order to protect their identity and infer their innocence their names have been changed,
Friday 7th September 2007-10-27
And so it was, with the arrival of Pablo and Howard, two of my very bestest friends had seen fit to come and assist me with my coverage of the final weeks of my summer of malcontent. Myself, Pablo and Howard go way back, having forged a strong bond in our adolescence it became so that in my homeland we were rarely seen socialising apart, and while fate forces it’s hand upon many relationships the power of times tide done little for our appreciation of each other. While all certainly cut from different cloth there was always an immense feeling of invincibility when the three amigo’s ventured into the underbelly of society.
Pablo, with his ease in unknown company could start a party in an empty room, and often had, was not without his frailties, often akin to accusations of aloofness to the point of banal intensity, and not being the suavest of individuals wore a forlorn look often appropriated with stroke victims, but he was someone I kept close to my heart. While Howard a much more introverted soul, would always be there for during the bad times and the diabolical.
What better place to meet my platoon, than as the sun was setting upon a glistening ocean outside the Cade del Mar, often derided for its Bavarian friendly barkeeps, and disregard for anything not draped in white linen, this legend needs to be allowed some warranted distaste for anything which it distastes. After 25 years this bastion of chillout must have some amount of detest for the mass market it has helped produce, like all pioneers. However it is still setting the standards where other bargain basement comps will surely follow in a year or so. Myself and Howard were more than happy here in our tranquil surroundings, but after what seemed like an age, Pablo reappeared announcing there would be no need for dinner tonight as he had just had dessert.
Being his edgy self, Pablo was somewhat opposed to the idea of venturing any further than was absolutely necessary, and while he will never have any complaints from Howard when it comes to pushing boats, we retired to the sanctity of the villa to consider our imminent futures….We Love…to transgress.
Sunday 9th September 2007
The initial 2 days of their retreat had passed without serious incident, much to my surprise and relief, but this was Sunday, this was where legends were made and souls broken, what with it being a special Sunday, it was decided in advance that an early start would be required and the necessary breakfasts were consumed, so much so that we were not to far behind the all-nighters who were filing in as we arrived for Vitalik’s Sunday morning minimal manoeuvres. Ryan O’Gorman was on duty in the discoteca, as we chased our contemporaries’ early morning inebriation attempts, I was struck by the feeling that many of them were trying to heal last nights pain, where contrary we were attempting to inflict tonight’s. The operation was a resounding success, and after an ill-informed trip to the aguamar, where we flumed like day releases the euphoria of shooting down winding half-cut pipes can only be countered by the despair of the same water shooting through your already obliterated sinuses. Pablo was having none of it and demanded a return to a more adult playground, where he could continue to act like a child.
After a quick change in the communal area provided (apologies to that large family form Bradford) the bags were slung in to the car and we were back at the bar on the sunset terrace as Oscar Colorado threw down his set. Unfortunately, I’ve found that the only exciting thing about this man is his name, the first time I heard it I had preconceptions of an amazing cowboy Muppet, not that they were completed unfounded, so I suggested what I always do in these situations, vamos la premier etage.
Time and again I’ve soap-boxed about this little gem, and it was here that we chilled as the day got cooler listening to some deep house on the roof terrace on a lazy Sunday afternoon. We Love…the Small Faces.
Again while Howard couldn’t have been more content, Pablo was again getting ancy. He iterated that he came for some sweaty action, and while I suggested that I would do all I could to make his holiday memorable there was a line I wasn’t prepared to cross for no man.
Thankfully we came to an accord as Smokin’ Jo was now getting the terraza steamy so we enveloped ourselves in the masses as we came up to her funkin tech house workout. as the night tore on I recall thinking how well everyone was getting on, especially with my new friends, Pablo was an exceptional popular, but he’s always been like that, to a point where we were literally quaffing some strange woman’s champagne in the vip, she didn’t even seem to mind as long as she had Pablo’s attention.
Not one to stay to long in such environs I headed to the discoteca to catch Ben Korbel ripping it up. The Sounds man, was certainly living up to his branding as he incorporated the trancey-synths that have become synonymous with this years driving prog-tech sound, all good for another, suggested Howard, and off we went again, back to rescue Pablo from the claws of cruella.
All this as Hot Chip were taking over the reigns of the terraza, this being their first exploits on the island was going to make things interesting. Playing a more up-tempo version of their electro to an almost techno beat the crowd lapped it as they rocked through their set. I was in the mood now and going nowhere, but for the bar and back to my spot. Ben Watt had by now taken over the booth and with it the crowd cementing the legacy that he left for us a few months before.
Now excuse my professional indifference but the next thing I can clearly recall is me telling Pablo that champagne doesn’t make you float as I attempted to retrieve him from the pool.
We Love…unconsciousness
Tuesday 9th September
The torturous soul-searching that follows such sessions cloaked my Monday as if it was one of the storms that are often associated with this time of the season but as the sun broke through the villa on Tuesday morning I felt my demons rescind with it.
Pablo’s courting on Sunday night had not gone unnoticed and while myself and Howard felt obliged to ridicule his performance we were still more than happy to accompany him with his invitation to some VIP villa bash tonight.
Now, I’ve always hated these soiree’s for many reasons, but primarily because no-one ever invites me and secondary on the odd occasion I do manage to gatecrash an unsuspecting crowd of bona fide VIPs’ I find the banality of their company only slightly more enjoyable than my normal Monday evening self-loathing sessions. However with the prospect of free food and the chance to be in company of far superior beauty to myself I slapped the old spice on and was ready to roll.
Secluded in the pine forests between San Raphael and Santa Gertrudis lay our destination and upon arrival it became clear that this party would differ somewhat from your average sanan balcony set, breezing past the salmon canapés and directly to the bar to introduce myself to my best friend for the night I then went, two drinks in hand, in search of my first VIPs after what seemed like an age of cruising the crowds I found one, only, unexpectedly he was in the impromptu dj booth, a certain A-list dj who’s identity will remain a secret to keep his integrity intact, when questioned as to who he knew here? or why he was present, he answered quite succinctly, nobody and money. Perturbed and bemused I went to freshen myself in the bathroom taking Pablo with me we mused over the lack of present superstars of heads of state. This took more time than usual and after a good forty minutes we re-launched ourselves amongst the supposed jet set to. Not wanting to be rude I then began to introduce myself, somewhat agitatedly back, to my reserved company, to be met by a Russian guy here on holiday who new an Israeli who was putting the party on whom he done business with once, and then it struck, these bastards weren’t VIP’s they were just stinking rich, disgusted by my peers fraudulent claims I returned to the washroom, which done nothing to dilute my distaste. This recent presumption of money creating someone’s importance is foreign to me, some of the richest people I have never known could not be more unimportant to me if they were selling hamburgers outside I synchronised swimming gala.
My appal for my hosts expelled itself in a somewhat uncouth manner when I caught up with aforementioned stinking rich Israeli in the form of me question of what importance his wealth was to me and as such justify not only his importance, but very important status, ( I’d had a few), a man in a non-remarkable suit asked me to leave and take my cohorts with me. I left.
Back where I belong in the grimy surrounding’s of the Limelight bar in the port we enjoyed the hospitality of a far better host, in Ahmed, the cheery Moroccan seemed to have no boundary for his repulsion for our previous hosts manner, funny seeing as they’d never met.
P.S we thank the big man with the strings that we hear our dear friend Gerard is doing well and on the road to recovery.
Sunday 16th September 2007
After the disco bloodbath of last week I promised myself I was going to tread with more care on this one. Arriving to catch the end of Oli Faulkner’s efx workout I was able to move around the terrace quite comfortably enjoying the wiggles and squiggles before Ralph Lawson joined him in the booth to release his drums. taking a while to get going after about 30mins the floor was primed for some serious manoeuvres, as was I having spent the duration of my visit propping up the bar. However it was all a well thought out plan, while saving myself for Kissy Sell-Out. I hadn’t heard the freak DJ yet but his tunes and remixes had being doing damage throughout this year so I was looking forward to hearing his madness, restricted to a short set, probably worked out, as his electro insanity was quite disparate and launching with 2-unlimted is wrong in anybody’s book. the crowd soon forgave him and by the time he was handing them over he had done himself justice, although still disappointed.
Friend of the family, Bones was treating the el Salon to some unusual flavour’s but had a busier room than most for that set but onwards I travelled into the discoteca to prep myself for some Zabiela shenanigans, by now the sun was long gone and the pretty faces of the daytime crowd had made way for a more ghoulish clientele, no doubt anticipating the appearance of the dark lords Tiefschwarz. By the time they appeared the massive room was rocking to JZ’s skills justifying his recent accolade as best British DJ by DJ Mag with some manic scratching. While Succumbing to the black music of the brothers grim, I decided I wanted a spot for the return of Mehdi on the terrace, billed with closing spot of the terraza such was the devastation of his performance at the 2nd party he returned without his Ed Banger stable to truly obliterate the Terraza. Rolling through his own productions such as lucky girl, and tracks such as phantom, and a cheeky Blue Monday bootleg, to close with a bit of R.A.T.M, priceless.
Wednesday 19th September 2007
The highlight of the Ibiza season for many years now has been without doubt, the We Love staff party, stars and clergymen alike scramble for their golden tickets to the hoedown in the hills, which this year decamped to Aura on the to San Juan.
An excellent little oasis away from all sorts of preying eyes, we were treated to culinary delicacies far beyond our usual daily breads, but it would surprise you how many in attendance don’t come to eat, trying to served at the free bar is just down right dangerous, so it was with a sense of relief that we were directed through to our dining area without any serious casualties. The staff done us the honour of dealing with our food quickly and after we had consumed our feast and the first strains of Alex’s after dinner beats fell a good friend of mine suggested that we show Pablo where the bathroom was. Unfortunately Pablo got lost on the way to the bathroom but we did meet Howard there, regrettably a catastrophe ensued, and I spent the following 2hours clawing my way around a gravel car park trying to find the exit. Oh how I laughed when I got to the other side. By this point the bar was nearly dry and but for Scott Martin’s beats and 3 hastily devoured bottles of rioja this night could have all to easily been a disaster. After a tricky drive back said friend announced he would like to make up for his earlier indiscretions, and thus retired back to his with Howard until the sun came up.
Sunday 23rd September
By now Pablo and Howard’s outstayed welcome was starting to irritate me somewhat and prior to venturing towards We Love’s penultimate party I had convinced them that their skills would be better served on other shores and thus promptly booked them tickets for the following morning, thus making this one rather emotional.
We arrived early evening, the sun still blistering, and headed straight to the sunset terrace as Tony Haze was starting his set, the floor was packed and we were ready to delouse ourselves of last nights cobwebs. The three of us didn’t wait about and got set about our goals as Tony Haze flew through his set of electro house with a smattering of surprises, highlighting with Crescendolls and a cheeky Born Slippy boot. The terrace was bouncing as he made way for Jason Bye to turn the direction down a more tribal path, all of us loving every last minute.
A little bit of a breather was required so an hour spent on the premier etage was called for, allowing us to dissect what had gone before and prophesise about was yet to come, that was if we could get Pablo away from his fans.
An often neglected caja roja was our next port where we soaked up Paul ”I don’t play breaks anymore” troubles Arnolds breaks set as he got things underway in the chew the fat room. Electro party breaks and the contained crowd were going nuts even for this early hour. But the world doesn’t stop spinning for anyone and the next place we found ourselves was in the discoteca grooving to Serge Santiago’s ubiquitous unique beats. Warming up the club perfectly for one of tonight’s headliners, One + One, ending their world tour in the same room where the concept took shape exactly a year ago to the day. Emotions running nearly as high as the duo’s charismatic manager Serge. The earlier set time allowing the massive Maidstone contingent to celebrate the end of tour in style and looking at the back bar of Space, where they had set up camp you could of swore there would of been a fleet of XR3i’s in the car park waiting to ferry them home.
Leaving them to their Pernod’s I ventured to the terrace fro Andy Cato’s last solo gig of the summer as he breezed through his proggy acid sound to a frenzied dance floor, all this and Matt & Layo had still to round things off for us. Matt having been on and off a wagon more times than a stage coach driver was on blistering form bringing the night to a close amidst howls of appreciation.
Unfortunately it was not to end their as we retired to the one+one after party at the ever friendly Ocean Drive, but even by our standards we were pushing it as fifty infused loons introduced themselves to the marina breakfast club.
My work was done, all that was left was to introduce the now quivering brace of Pablo and Howard to their waiting driver and wish them luck on their 14 hour journey.
Hasta Lluego
Friday 28th September 2007
After the carnage of after-party, dc-10 and cocoon closing my week’s been spent in the salubrious company at a friends villa, this man was vip2me, a close business contact of Pablo from back home he had very kindly invited me to join him in his villa which looked had been designed by Don Johnson, everything was to hand to a point where after Thursday’s small get together finished sometime around Saturday afternoon I don’t know who felt more used, me or him, all innocently on both our parts I’m sure. Good company, good sounds, great security.
Sunday 30th September 2007
So, is this it, 16 long weeks and it’s come to this, but this wasn’t time for reflection that would come. Today was about the closing party and the chaos that would unfold over the following day(s). Even by normal standards this one was ridiculous in size. It started for me on the terraza, just gone high noon as Dave Beer was playing to the early crowd still rolling from his earlier exploits in Leeds at Basics the night before that man was on form, taking into account the time of day and keep it friendly with a few classics. After Tony Haze had done his bit it was Dave’s sparring partner Buckley’s turn to up the gains as this session got into itself. Serge Santiago then picked up the reign’s and by now I was rolling, not a good sign seeing as there was still 14 hours to go, but the rest of crowd seemed to have the same idea, unable than to do anything other than party to Serge’s techy electro. All this and all of my friends weren’t even talking to me, more converned as to where Pablo and Howard had got to.
Upstairs Scott Martin was getting all emotional playing his final sunsets, and as I came to party I headed for the darkness of the discoteca to feel Oli Faulkner ripping up the first of the days zombies. On the terrace the renaissance man, Cassius was showing what we missed last year, by stepping up with a bag of house delights with that French touch that I love to go for, and so I did. On the dancefloor properly for the first time of the day, the man tore up the terraza as the sun was going down, it was properly packed by now, but the crowd had somehow agree to move in unison to avoid any agro. An unexpected extended set from the Frenchman was well received as Paul Woolford had forgot to set his alarm clock again, but when he did come on was well worth the wait. Flying straight into Man with Guitar. Things were heading along quite nicely.
It was then David Guetta’s turn to bring his selection of upfront house to the terrace, obviously a main draw for a lot of the crowd, although not for me. So I went for some much needed downtime in the el salon. By the time I had recharged the gigolo’s were displaying their wares in the form of a short set from label man David Careta, a huge clued up crowd had been waiting patiently for this and as Hell oversaw his prodigy he must have pleased with the ‘floors response to one of his main men’s sounds.
This was where I was to remain until that is I got the call that 2manydjs were about to bring it to the terraza, so I returned to my spot and pounded the dance floor with all the other delirious punters, having to catch a flight the brothers left bang on 6 which left it up to resident David Phillips and little help from Bones to close what has been an indescribable summer, apart from the fact I’ve been describing it for you. badly
Is this it?
Is it fuck!
I’ll be in touch soon with more of my innate ramblings
A N Other We Lover
www.welove-music.com
www.myspace.com/welove_music